CHUMP LADY in OZ: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life

Tracy Schorn

CHUMP LADY in OZ: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life
  • 275.00


Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: A day with Tracy Schorn (AKA CHUMP LADY) 

  • This one-day, enlightening and entertaining class is an absolute MUST for anyone who works with couples and individuals impacted by infidelity. 

  • It is also an absolute MUST for anyone in a relationship impacted by infidelity - yesterday, today or tomorrow.

Session 1: Intro to the Chump Experience - how Tracy came to do this and why she thinks it’s needed.

Session 2: The Reconciliation Industrial Complex - debunking the common Infidelity and Reconciliation narratives and why they are so damaging and often, nonsensical. Myth busting monogamy and evolution arguments for infidelity.

Session 3: What the mental health and counselling profession could do differently - Therapeutic models that allow for character disorder; Empower and rebuild: collated from the feedback of thousands. 

Session 4: Gain a Life — book reading, Q&A, debate.

Discounts available for groups of 3+ people and not for profit organisations.

I'm a psychiatrist and I think Tracy has a better understanding of the dynamics of cheating and reconciliation than most of my colleagues, and that she has every right to talk and write about it and challenge the orthodoxy, given her lived experience.  Plus she's a lot funnier! 

It is probably threatening for some professionals....even my marriage counsellor-ongoing psychologist was defensive and vague when I asked him whether marriages could really heal after infidelity. Anon.

The context

Infidelity is as constant as death and taxes and that is a fact. As a consequence, betrayed partners are a demographic that sadly regenerates itself day-by-day and will be with us always. When the internet and social media arrived, so did a multitude of avenues for infidelity - taking it way beyond the traditional dominion of the workplace or social circle.  

In addition to the technological ease with which you can have an affair (Ashley Madison alone claims 22 million members worldwide), the popularity of literature touting the unnaturalness of monogamy (eg Mating in Captivity - Esther Perel), continues to grow and feed the illicit beast.

Finally, a growing culture of self-obsession and narcissist chic e.g. edgy articles exulting the virtues of being a mistress, and online forums on how to cheat and get away with it.

These form a trifecta punch that emphasises the fabulous at the expense of the betrayed.

A Day with Chump Lady

The content of this class is derived from the lived experience of literally thousands of people across the globe, collated over five years.
From this perspective it will look at:

  • The innate flaws and fundamental “gaps” in the existing marriage/couples counselling models pertaining to infidelity, with particular emphasis on the unhelpful view of infidelity as a shared problem, or one that can be reliably overcome with therapy. 
  • It will review the evidence-based current models that work toward and focus on reconciliation as the preferred outcome.
  • The need to recognise and respond to the presence of character disorder within the relationship dynamic affected by infidelity.
  • The impact of the long standing cultural narratives around infidelity, reconciliation and divorce with a particular focus on the need to rethink our concept of infidelity as the shared responsibility of the couple.
  • The parallels between abusive relationships and infidelity - we no longer ask a victim of Domestic Violence to share responsibility, we should not do this with infidelity.
  • The frequency with which physical risks (eg STD exposure), psychological, emotional and financial abuses occur in the context of infidelity.
  • The need to inspect the ongoing cost to a partner investing what might be false hope in the restoration of the marriage

(Data collected from 2012-2017, 16.5 million visitors, daily engaged readership of around 17,000).

About CHUMP LADY - the person!

Tracy Schorn is a Journalist and social commentator. She has more than 20 years’ experience in publishing, academic publishing and journalism. As well as writing her popular blog she is currently the staff writer at the District of Columbia Bar Association - the second largest Bar association in the U.S.. She is a graduate of the London School of Economics, and the University of London.

There is no experience that can beat firsthand experience and Tracy has plenty of lived experience in the arena of infidelity. It was as a betrayed spouse, searching for help and recognising the harmful features of this “help” that she began her blog, Chump Lady.

“Until Chump Lady began in 2012, the entire self-help field on infidelity assumed reconciliation, and worse, peddled blame of the betrayed party, asking them what they did to drive their cheaters to cheat.” Tracy said.

“Instead of dry, earnest advice on how to single-handedly save marriages, Chump Lady is about saving your sanity after you’ve been cheated on. It’s about how to pick yourself up off the floor, take your power back, and put the focus on yourself and off the cheater’s chaos.”

“In the infidelity literature, cheaters get all the attention - their sad unmet needs, their boundary issues, their relationship drama with their love triangles. Cheaters are glamorous taboo breakers, star-crossed lovers, rebels against the hegemonic forces of monogamy. The chump stands alone, off-stage. When mentioned in the infidelity literature, it’s to discuss their frailties and failings, how they must “own their part” in their partners’ infidelity, or how they must accommodate the cheater.”

Tracy’s book Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life and Chump Lady blog, by contrast, are resources for chumps, written by a former chump. It’s a resource that doesn’t assume reconciliation and doesn’t buy the notion that the betrayed parties compel people to cheat on by their inadequacies (or can win them back by being nicer/better/kinder people). 

Tracy’s work has been cited in the Associated Press, Huffington Post, and elsewhere, and cited by Dr. George Simon, Dr. Leah Klungness and Dr. Harriet Lerner. She’s been an invited guest speaker at the University of Texas department of Psychology as well as a speaker at infidelity and legal panels in the U.S.

Chump Lady Stats

  • The blog has received over 16.5 million page views in 5 years.
  • An engaged readership. Each post receives between 100 to 300 comments per day. 
  • An average readership at present of around 17,000 page views daily
  • Currently receives around 500,000 page views a month
  • Has inspired multiple “chump” meet-up groups in major cities in the U.S, and around the world. 
  • Readers have translated Chump Lady articles into Greek, Dutch, Slovak, and Afrikaans.

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